7 Things No-One Tells You About Having a C-Section

7 Things Noone Tells You About Having a Csection

Note: this post is being republished for the third time! At first, I wrote it and put it on a different blog I used to write with my friends. An editor at Baby Gizmo picked it up and published it there. Now, it’s time for it to come “home” to Eat, Write, Be🙂

No-one talks about cesarean births in the way that they talk about natural births, do they? We hear in graphic detail about contractions, tearing, who took what pain relief, etc. I attended three antenatal classes and left feeling so well-prepared and positive about going into labour, but not once were cesareans discussed, even though according to the NCT approximately a quarter of births in the UK are by c-section. It may not sound like a lot, but to put this into context, the NHS Maternity Statistics covering 671,000 births for 2012–13 showed over 75,000 were by c-section. So we’re talking about a whopping 75,000 women that year that I would be willing to bet money felt as surprised at how little they knew about what they would subsequently go through, as did I.

But it’s not just the women that go through it that need to know; it’s everyone else they may interact with as well, because I have heard some real gems in the past few months. My favourite is this: on my way home from the hospital, I had walked to the car with great difficulty just four days post surgery, only to discover I had completely forgotten how to strap in Baby K’s car seat (and no one else knew either!). So there I was, clutching on the seat to keep it steady during the drive, in pain from walking a distance more than the ensuite bathroom and with high blood pressure, gritting my teeth every time we went over a speed bump, when a close friend called to say congratulations. She then told me I was lucky; at least I didn’t go through the pain of natural labour, and had the baby taken out for me with no fuss.

So, here are a few things I’d like to share with anyone else that might also think a cesarean is easy, and that I wish I had known too. Mostly, this post is for all those out there that have been through this too, as a sort of *virtual-high-five-sister* (please note some of it is pretty graphic, so if you’re pregnant, easily scared or simply don’t want to know, turn away now):

1. You feel everything:

Unless you are rushed to surgery in an extreme emergency, you will not be under general anaesthetic. You will most likely be given an epidural (an injection into the back that numbs the lower half of the body), and while that means you don’t feel any pain, you can feel everything else that happens during the operation. The sensation of being “unzipped” when they cut into you, the stretchy, pulling feeling when they open you up to take the baby out, and the feeling of the baby’s limbs travelling out of your body… everything.

You don’t just lie there as if you are on a massage table in a spa while all the “hard work” is done for you. The operation theatre is cold (I shivered throughout the operation. And I mean the teeth-violently-clattering type shivering), and not for one second do you switch off or forget that half of you is currently cut wide open.

2. You will need a LOT of pain killers:

Until the effects of the epidural wore off, I enjoyed some indescribable time with my baby. We stayed in a small recovery ward, skin-to-skin and it was the most precious and emotional time.

And then the epidural wore off.

Nothing, no blog post, could ever describe the pain. I still don’t know if it was the pain of post surgery or the uterus contractions every woman gets post partum (when your uterus begins “shrinking” back to its normal size) but I cried. I told my midwife I was going to pass out with pain. She gave me paracetamol and told me to try and relax. I did. It didn’t work, and I insisted they do something, anything, and eventually they gave me the maximum dose of morphine that they could, intravenously.

And a few hours later when the morphine wore off, I went through it all over again. I just couldn’t understand what was happening. The c-section was over, my baby was out. Why was I in even more pain than before? FYI, I had also gone through 16 hours of contractions before the operation. But this was something else.

BUT here’s the thing: if I had known that this might happen, or if I knew that there would be a lot of pain coming, I would have coped much better. I would have been mentally prepared, and as only you can know your own pain threshold, I would have asked for pain relief earlier or possibly even in advance. My pain threshold is so low and I just kept thinking, it’ll get better, but it just got worse. And if I had known that, I would have insisted on the morphine straight away.

3. You have layers of stitches:

Around eight days post-partum, I had my third home visit from my midwife. I asked her (rather naively, in retrospect) why I felt so much pressing pain in my wound. She put her hand on mine and told me it was time to know what exactly the operation had involved; it would be difficult to hear, but she assured me that I would feel much better being in the know afterwards. She was right.

Contrary to the idea that a c-section involves one horizontal cut, baby out, and you’re closed back up and that’s it, you’re actually cut and stitched up layer-by-layer. There is skin, tissue, and muscle before you even get to the uterus! I understand the number of layers can differ, but in my case (and in most) there were SEVEN layers of stitches!

As my kind midwife informed me, having a tumour or appendix removed would be less painful. A caesarean is major surgery. Again, had I understood its magnitude from day one, perhaps I wouldn’t have been so hard on myself for still being in pain only eight days later!

4. Even laughter hurts:

Any activity that involves engaging your abdominal muscles is quite painful for a good few weeks. Mostly, this can be managed by minimising such things like getting up, walking, bending over, etc. But what always caught me off-guard was the pain I felt doing something so natural such as laughing! Similarly, how do you stop yourself from sneezing or coughing—both equally painful?

Later, I read somewhere that if you hold a pillow against your abdomen when sneezing, coughing, laughing, whatever, it hurts less. This means I should’ve kept a cushion/pillow handy at all times (maybe one that could double up as a baby feeding pillow), but once again, I just had no idea.

5. You still experience post-partum bleeding:

Despite not giving birth naturally, women that go through caesareans are often surprised to find they have to go through the same post-partum experiences as those that do. This includes post-partum bleeding and a noticeable need for pelvic floor exercises (no need to elaborate on either, I think!)

6. You might put on a lot of weight during your post-partum period:

I wrote “might” because I’m not sure if this is true for everyone, but was certainly true for me. I put on a lot of weight during recovery—more than I did throughout the entire pregnancy. The reason is simple: you need to eat a healthy diet of 1,800–2,000 calories whilst recovering from this major operation, and at the same time, you can just about walk to the bathroom and back (i.e. you’re eating more than ever and not burning any of it in away).

It wasn’t until I was three weeks post-surgery that I was able to manage slow and short walks of about 10–15 minutes. But, almost three months on, I still couldn’t imagine being able to do any type of exercise other than walking.

This is not to say I didn’t try… just two weeks post-partum I went to Westfield (shopping centre). And once I ran through my local supermarket in a rush. Both times, I suffered for days afterwards.

This point probably links the most with the next one.

7. You are more likely to experience the baby blues:

Everyone, to some extent, goes through a dip in emotions at some point post-partum. Looking back, however, I can now see and acknowledge that I went through more than a few dips and was most likely slightly depressed. In fact, research has shown that women who have a caesarean have a six-fold increased risk of developing postnatal depression. After nine months of waiting for your baby to arrive, and looking forward to being “yourself” again, you suddenly find yourself feeling worse than ever before.

For me, the moment I realised I wasn’t feeling quite right was when feelings of guilt kept creeping into my mind. Yes, guilt. Can you believe I found myself feeling guilty for not giving birth naturally? Of course, I knew that it was not my fault; the c-section likely saved both mine and my baby’s lives. But I could not help but feel like it made me less of a mother for not having given birth the way nature had intended. Though she was fine, thank God, I felt as though I had somehow failed my daughter.

Luckily, I was well aware of the signs and symptoms of post natal depression, having witnessed a friend go through it just a few months previously. I recognised pretty quickly that what I was feeling/thinking wasn’t true and kept telling myself it would pass (as did my husband) which is why I think I did not slip into it fully.

Emotional support is crucial. If you already know exactly what to expect and are fully prepared, but have no emotional support, you will struggle. On the other hand, even if you have no idea what to expect (like me) but have a good support network around you, you will be ok… eventually! So make sure you don’t hesitate to reach out to your loved ones, your partner, your friends, whoever you want; most likely they want to help but don’t know how! By turning to them yourself, they’ll be relieved that you’ve done so and will step up.

Finally, I want to say something every woman that has had a c-section told me, and whether or not I believe it, I have repeated it to myself like a mantra every single day: you will feel better, one day, you WILL feel better!

Update: as of April 2016, its been 21 months since my c-section and I feel MUCH better, both physically and emotionally! But I still think everything I wrote above is important to read and know. A few people commented on Baby Gizmo that I was “scaremongering.” But even more people told me they could 100% relate and were glad I wrote this! Of course, everyone’s experience is different, and this is just me sharing mine🙂 Leave me a comment below with your thoughts!

Ladies, How About Less Judging and More Loving?

A couple of months ago, I woke up one morning and immediately sensed I was going to vomit. I hadn’t eaten anything unusual, and I definitely wasn’t pregnant, so what was going on? I put it down to one of life’s random curveballs and got on with the day, except an hour or so later, there I was hunched over the toilet, puking more than I ever had before. And the same kept happening throughout the day, till I could no longer stand and couldn’t even keep water down.

A trip to the doctor confirmed what my husband had suspected all along: I was exhausted, sleep-deprived and crashing.

“That doesn’t sound like anything to do with exhaustion though.”

“Are you sure its not food poisoning?”

“It must be something you ate.”

“What have you been doing that’s made you sooo exhausted?!”

Are you thinking any of the above right now? Don’t worry. Variations of those are the first things I heard from everyone, be it family or friends. This post isn’t about why I’m exhausted or what I did to recover, or even what I should have done to avoid it in the first place!

This is about attitudes towards women-related issues that have been irking me since I experienced this episode.

In the weeks that followed, I’ve noticed more and more things that I’d perhaps never paid attention to before, and truth be told, the perpetrators of most of these attitude-crimes are women themselves. This is what has saddened me and prompted me to write this post.

People, other women, seemed genuinely perplexed about why I was ill, and I kind of get it; objectively, my life is not your textbook example of exhausting. I have a lot of help with household chores—both paid, and unpaid in the form of family; I only have one child to take care of; I don’t work anymore, etc. So I get why someone might ask, why am I exhausted then? And the answer to that came from a pretty unlikely source:

My husband. A man.

He was the first person not surprised and not judgemental about my “diagnosis.” Complete lack of sleep from pregnancy to toddlerhood, an unusually long recovery post-ceasarian, and not being able to find time to do “me stuff” like exercise or eating well were just some of his points. He made a convincing case.

And he told me to stop being so hard on myself: the very message I hope that this post carries to the women reading it. Can we please stop being so hard on each other???

Image from Huffington Post

But wait. Apparently, we should be quiet about our “issues” more. I recently saw a TV commercial for sanitary pads, and a woman in my company was aghast; why did we need to see such a blatant, shameful subject all over our screens, in the company of men no less?!

Ah yes. Shame. That old thing.

Another subject it seems to rear its head over is childbirth. Yes, yes, we know its a wonderful miracle of nature, a blessing, a truly ecstatic time for parents, blah blah blah. But why do women need to talk about it once its done? The baby is here now; why do they need to revisit the subject again and again?!

Let’s just check the dictionary definition of “shame” for a second:

A feeling of guilt, regret, or sadness that you have because you know you have done something wrong. (Merriam-Webster)

A feeling as a result of doing something wrong. WRONG. When you make a woman feel like talking about her traumatic labour, or her crippling period pain is shameful, you’re telling her what she’s going through is wrong.

A recent trend that’s popped up on social media a few times is birth photography: basically, couples hire professional photographers to capture the moment their child is born. Not surprisingly, the photos are very different from any other professional photos you’ve seen: they are raw, shocking, strangely enticing and overall just amazing.

Let me clear one thing up: I would never choose to have the birth of my child photographed, for my own reasons (my religious teachings wouldn’t allow it, for one). But for the women that do make that choice, I say good for you! If it makes you happy, if you’re comfortable with that, then Good. For. You.

When we hold each other under microscopes and shake our heads over what we see, here’s what happens: misogyny thrives. Sexism is very real; it does not need our help to flourish! Lets just STOP with judging and berating each other, when there is a whole world out there already doing so.

Peace and love, with a cup of tea… anyone?

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Protein-Packed Rice Meal for Toddlers

Khichri: Rice, Lentils and Chicken Cooked in Broth!

This rice, lentil and chicken recipe is a really great way to pack lots of protein into your child’s meal in one go. People of South-Asian origin will be familiar with this; we call rice and lentils cooked this way “khichri”, and every familiy has their own version of how they cook it. Some use certain lentils only, and others use a mix; some people add tomatoes, others don’t, etc!

This is my version for my soon-to-be 20 months old daughter Khadija. I cook the rice in chicken stock, and shred some of the chicken used to make the stock, and add that too for an extra protein punch! I add more liquid than I would if I was making this for adults, so the rice gets extra soft. I also portion this out and freeze in mini ziplock bags, so its a great one for when you’re doing batch cooking!


For the chicken stock:
1-2 bone-in pieces of chicken (such as leg and thigh)
½ a small onion, peeled
2 cloves of garlic, peeled
1 inch piece of ginger peeled
1 small carrot, peeled and halved
1 tsp cumin seeds
½ tsp each of peppercorns and cloves
1 cinnamon stick
2-3 cardamom pods

For the rice:
1 cup of basmati rice
3 tbsp moong lentils (the de-husked, yellow version)
2 tbsp masoor lentils (red)
1 tbsp butter
½ an onion, sliced
ÂĽ tsp each of peppercorns and cloves
1 cinnamon stick
½ tsp minced garlic
A pinch of turmeric powder
1 tsp salt
1/4 cup shredded chicken*

*See recipe below

To make the stock:

Simply put all of the ingredients in a medium-sized pot, and generously cover with water. Cook on a high flame until the water comes to a rolling boil, then cover and cook on a low flame for approximately one hour.

Strain the liquid, putting aside the chicken pieces and discarding the other ingredients. You will need two cups of stock for this recipe. If you have any more leftover, you can simply freeze it for another day.

Shred the chicken and set aside 1/4 cup to use in this recipe. You can add more if you like, but I wanted the lentils to be the star of the show here, not the chicken, so I felt that 1/4 cup was enough!

To make the rice:

Start by putting the rice and lentils in a bowl. Then cover them with cold water, and set aside to soak for 30 minutes (no more, no less!)

Then, heat the butter with a splash of oil in a medium-sized pot, and add the onions. Give them a good stir and make sure there is enough “grease” for the onions, then cook until they turn a golden colour. You’ll have to keep an eye on them to make sure they don’t burn. If you notice they’re browning unevenly and too quickly, add a splash of hot water from your kettle.

Add the peppercorns, cloves, cinnamon and garlic once the onions are nicely brown, and stir some more. Then throw in the shredded chicken, turmeric powder and salt. Give it all a good mix, then add the stock and let it come to a boil.

By now, 30 minutes should have passed, so drain the rice and lentils and add them to the boiling liquid. Wait until everything comes to a boil once more, then cover with a tight-fitting lid and lower the heat to as low as it can possibly go. Leave untouched for 15 minutes.

Fluff up the rice with a fork when ready!

Khichri: Rice, Lentils and Chicken Cooked in Broth!

Confession: I Hide in the Bathroom

Many moons ago, when Sudoku was all rage, I remember coming across Sudoku toilet roll. I swear to you, I thought it was the most ridiculous thing ever. I totally judged anyone that might want to spend that much time on the bog.

Oh how the mighty fall.

Nowadays, the bathroom is my sanctuary, my retreat, my haven away from the big bad world!

Hiding in the bathroom funny meme

OK, I’ll stop with the exaggerations, but this next part is definitely true:

I spend a lot of extra time in the bathroom, just to get some me-time squeezed in. Some days, there is literally no other way to do so.

Now that my daughter is a toddler just shy of 18 months, let’s just say life is all systems go, go, go! I have been known on a number of occasions to “desperately” need to use the bathroom, shooting my husband my best “please-take-over” face, and promptly locking myself in before he has the chance to fully process what’s just happened.

best idea ever

What am I doing in there, you say? Here are a few examples:

  1. Nothing. I’m literally just sitting in silence.
  2. Catching up on 500 whatsapp msgs.
  3. Reading emails. Including all the ones I’d normally delete unopened.
  4. Checking Facebook.
  5. And Twitter.
  6. And Instagram.
  7. And most recently, Snapchat.
  8. Oh what the heck, let’s see what’s on Flipboard too.
  9. Some more silence.
  10. Imagining how I could give the bathroom a makeover…
  11. I tell myself I’m going to scrub the taps… one day.
  12. I wish I had that book that I started reading 6 months ago in there…
  13. Hold my breathe because I think my little one just yelled “mama!”
  14. False alarm. Silence again.
  15. Recheck Whatsapp.
  16. Look at everyone’s Whatsapp profile pictures.
  17. Google “recipes with chicken” or something equally vague that will have 1,000,000 results.
  18. Block out the sound of my husband asking our daughter “where’s mama?”
  19. Go back to Facebook.
  20. Take multiple screenshots of people my friends and I stalk (don’t pretend you don’t)
  21. Send said screenshots via Whatsapp.
  22. Back to doing nothing again.
  23. Listen to the sound of a tiny, inquisitive hand gently knocking on the door…
  24. Jump when it rapidly changes to mad banging!
  25. Wonder if she needs a nappy change.
  26. Remember that its almost dinner time and I haven’t made her anything!
  27. This time, muster up a reply when I hear “MAMAAAAAA!”
  28. Check my phone one last time before pressing the lock button.
  29. Open the door and…
  30. We’re back to all systems go!!!

Have you ever hidden in the bathroom from your life, and if not… where do you hide? (There has to be somewhere!)

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The Secret Diary of Agent Spitback

Which Toddler Cup is Right For You?

Hi friends,

Today I’m once again attempting to help you navigate your way through the minefield that is baby shopping! Can’t relate? Just take a walk through the baby section of your local supermarket the next time you’re there; count the number of nappy brands, the different types of formula milk, the array of baby wipes, and that’s before you even get to the food section!

We are going to talk Toddler Cups, from straw, to sippy to magic (yes, magic cups!)

Since having my daughter last year, I have been continuously amazed at how many different types of one thing you can get. Baby products are not cheap, and very often you find yourself at home with something that is just not what you thought it would be…

Enter parenting bloggers (*gracious bow*); hopefully reviews like this can help you with your purchasing decisions. As always, all opinions are my own and I’ve tried to be as thorough as possible, but feel free to leave a question below if you have one!

Toddler Cups Review NUK Nuby Born Free Munchkin

At around the one-year mark, babies are encouraged to use some type of cup to drink their beverages from. Some parents start much earlier (from 6 months alongside the introduction of food) but we waited a while longer as Khadija was just not ready. Now, at 16 months, she’s able to hold her cup and drink from it herself! Here are the ones she has used:

The Born Free Training Cup

Born Free Sippy Cup

Rating: 4/10
RRP: ÂŁ4.99

This was the first cup I bought for Khadija, and I won’t beat around the bush: I didn’t like it. It’s quite fiddly to put together; the white handles need to go on first, but when you screw the top part on, it won’t always be aligned with the handles. So to get it all straightened up, you have to move the handles around and screw, then move some more… Its just all so unnecessary.

If that was the only problem, I wouldn’t be too disappointed. But then, this happened:

Born Free Sippy Cup

Not long after we’d had it, the spout “ripped.” Khadija didn’t even have her top teeth at the time, so it wasn’t her fault!

The only positives are that its BPA free, dishwasher safe and a nice pink colour. Hence it gets a reluctant 4 out of 10. You can read more about it on the Born Free website here.

The Nuby Straw Cup

Nuby Straw Cup

Rating: 7/10
RRP: ÂŁ3.49

This one has me so divided.

There’s so much I love about it: it’s insulated; it holds a good amount of liquid; the straw is really soft and gentle on the gums; your child can drink from it without tipping it up or back; it will not leak at all when shut; it has a decent price tag; and the colours/design and lovely!

But… the negatives are just too big to ignore. Firstly, the straw doesn’t reach right to the bottom! This means approximately 2oz of liquid always ends up going to waste. I’ve tried to get a photo of this:

Nuby Straw Cup

Secondly, cleaning is a bit of nightmare. The parts are so difficult to clean inside of, so I have to take it all apart and put it in the dishwasher everytime I want to clean it.  What a shame as this remains my daughter’s favourite, but for these reasons, I had to give it a 7 out of 10 and not more. You can read more about it at the Nuby website here.

The Munchkin Click Lock Straw Cup
Munchkin click lock straw cup

Rating: 9/10
RRP: ÂŁ4.00

This one is also BPA free and dishwasher safe. However, the biggest plus point about this cup is that the straw reaches all the way to the bottom, hooray! Khadija can slurp up every last bit of her favourite smoothie in this.

It’s very easy to clean and reassemble. The shape of the cup is also fun; its like a flattened cylinder, so Khadija can get her tiny hands around it easily.

Munchkin click lock straw cup

The straw is slightly harder than the Nuby straw, but that doesn’t seem to bother Khadija. Once the top part of the cup is “clicked” into place and the straw closed, it doesn’t leak. However, it would’ve gotten a full 10/10 from me if the straw would also “click” shut; as it is, Khadija can easily leave it half open and throw her cup around (as you do) and then sometimes u do get slight spillage.

But that’s a super small reason not to buy this cup, to be honest. For the price and straw length alone, I think this is one of the best cups on the market. You can read more about it on Munchkin’s website here.

The NUK Magic Cup

Nuk Magic Cup

Rating: 9/10
RRP: ÂŁ9.50

I have to admit that when I first handed this to Khadija, I had very little confidence that she’d figure out how to use it. But, I stand corrected! Essentially, this is a training cup to help toddlers learn how to drink from regular cups/glasses. However, there is a silicone ring that creates a seal around the rim, so that until you take a sip, no liquid leaks through!

Nuk Magic Cup

At first, she just held it on her lips and looked utterly confused at why nothing was coming out. But it didn’t take long for her to learn how to sip and “suck” the water out!

I love this cup: the designs are so much fun (Khadija loves to point out the animals with her tiny fingertips) and one of the best, best, best parts for parents is how easy it is to clean! Like all the cups reviewed, its BPA free and dishwasher safe.

The only reason I gave this 9 and not 10/10, however, is the price tag; this one is the most expensive cup of the four I’ve reviewed. But its a great way to teach your child how to use cups properly with NO messy spillage! You can read more about it on NUK’s website here.

At the moment, we use the Munchkin straw cup when we’re out and about, and for drinking smoothies in. At home, we use the NUK magic cup for water at and in-between meal times.

So there you have it, friends. And now I have some questions for you:
– Have you used any of these cups?
– Which type of cup does your baby/toddler prefer?
– Was this review helpful for you?
– What did you have for dinner last night? (I mean, why not?)

Let me know in the comments below, and thanks for reading!

Thank-you to Munchkin and NUK for sending me your cups to review! The Nuby and Born Free cups were my own purchases, and all opinions expressed her are my own.

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